According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
