Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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