I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Randomize
