so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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