she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
