OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
