so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
