trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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