You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
