does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
