Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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