i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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