Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
