My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
