Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
