We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
