plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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