I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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