I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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