Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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