i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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