Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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