i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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