the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
