My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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