JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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