Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
did you just send me my own nude
My ass is underappreciated
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
