And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
