i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize