he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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