Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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