He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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