Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
