I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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