I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
