Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
