I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry about my life...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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