his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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