Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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