I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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