Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My penis needs a shock collar
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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