PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
