I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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