Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
