I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
