Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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