how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
