his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
