dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
