Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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