if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
