Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
