apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
