just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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