I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
