she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
