did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
