Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
