She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
