Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize