And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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