Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
