You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
