4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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