OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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