my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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