Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
