I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
