we have officially lost it.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
