If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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