I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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