That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
