It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
