Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Are my feet made of real feet?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
