i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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